Rants, by me.
What else am I going to do when the kids are in bed and the husband is out for a boy's night? I cleaned the house as much as I wanted to, I tried to read but I kept falling asleep because I need a more interesting book, I wanted to work on some crafts but I don't have all the right materials. So, yeah, I'm a little bored am stuck with my own thoughts.

 On friends: All growing up I had usually 1 really good, close friend at a time and then just other acquaintance type friends. That was pretty good with me, mostly because there were so few LDS kids and others with good standards- I was shy and didn't really want to hang out with big groups of trouble making kids anyway. I loved having one good friend to do everything with, and we never had any drama or fights and pretty much everything was understood between us. I am so thankful for those couple of girls in my life and I miss them dearly.

When I came out to BYU, I stayed in the Deseret Towers (V Hall, 7th floor 2000-2001) and it was some of the most fun I've ever had. All of these girls on my floor became instant friends and I felt so comfortable and I really came out of my shell. That was the one and only time I've had a group of really close friends and I loved it. That summer I moved out off campus to an apartment with one of the girls (my awesome roommate Beth!) and after that I was on my own, working 2 jobs and going to school full time for the next year. I had no time for friends and was in my own busy world until I met Ken.

I was back to having 1 great friend and some acquaintances from work and school. That was just how we liked to do everything together just the 2 of us. We had one other couple that we hung out with sometimes and we even moved across the street from them, and had our first kids about the same time, and just really got along until they moved away :(

When I had Lucy, I stopped working and stayed home with the kids and that is when I really missed having friends. I realized that I didn't know how to make friends anymore. It is so different having kids and trying to have any hang out friends, I just felt lost. My crazy shyness was not helping me out, either. I made some effort to meet the women in my ward and in my condo building, I actually called people to invite them for play dates or crafts, but things just never worked out and I lost some confidence. I still don't really know how to make friends or keep them. I don't know how I've gotten so terrible with making conversation or being a part of one.

Anyway, that's what I've been thinking about lately. I've got a lot of awesome people in my neighborhood, I hope they all don't think I'm unfriendly and rude because I've forgotten how to talk to people. I'm working on it, for real, I don't want to be a hermit anymore. I think I need some real buddies and hobbies so I don't end up writing stupid blog entries like this one on my history of friends that is probably really boring if you did end up reading it up to this point, sorry about that. I didn't really mean for it to turn into a sob story about how I have no friends and nobody likes me, but I can't seem to find a real point to it either other than I used to be kind of cool once, now I'm incoherently babbling about how loser-y I am. Maybe some day I'll figure it out, right?